Intermission
This piece of satire, was actually my first response to a certain nuisance to merchants everywhere called a ‘mother fucking chargeback.’ I have since come to my senses and crafted a more consumer friendly version. It was a made in jest about the charge back subject. I am also making light of the fact that I do indeed talk to myself…quite a bit actually…one of my many quirks. So here it is now archived below:
‘The’ Frequently Asked Questions
“Oh… you were looking for the ‘Real’ FAQ?”
Fair enough. That’s on us.
This page is the ‘other’ FAQ — ‘The’ Frequently Asked Questions.
Not exactly the answers you expected, and probably some of the questions you might not know to ask. Serious intent with a playful delivery.
It’s a satirical take on the obvious questions surrounding how this operates — access, tiers, restrictions, standards, and other stuff — without the usual marketing filter. Straight from the mind of the owner/creator.
If you were looking for The ‘Real’ FAQ with straightforward answers about your purchase, or ‘client’ experience, you can find it below.
Now, the fucking questions please.
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Ha! No, I knew that would be your first question. Excellent question btw. Technically speaking, I don’t truly know, or even really care. I practice viaragya, a method of detachment. Mental health & health care in general is a tragic problem…in The United States. I do prefer to refer to my ‘self’ though as ‘hypersane’ not as ‘insane.’ That would be rude.
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Oh, its really nothing. Sane to insane, back to sane again. A comparative study & journey into the frequencies of thought. I think there are more individuals out there with this ‘condition’ than most people think. It’s a rising problem amongst people who have been through ‘some shit.’
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Cult leader to tribal lord to MAGA President…what is the difference? Nothing more than the preferences and agreements that individuals may share. However, if by my addition to ‘culture’ history labels me a ‘cult leader,’ I won’t fight with the ocean. Anyway, Jesus Christ was a cult leader…that cult is now called Christianity. Charles Manson was also a cult leader…I’m not sure what that cult is called today. History decides.
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Oh…we’re like the dead. You should never contact us. We’ll contact you…when the time is right. Set your eyes upon the sky and look for our brand logo there.
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No comment. Okay we’ll make one comment. “Some spooky ‘Batman’ type shit.” Next question please.
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I could tell you a sad old story about the death of Thor, but I won’t. It means ‘slain’ specifically ‘the slain’ as in on a battlefield. You would know it best by the English word ‘valor.’ In pop culture as ‘Valyrian Steel’ or ‘Valyrian The Dread’ The name is a gift…and a curse, an homage to an idea called ‘ksatriya.’
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How long you got buddy? Did you even read my blog? It answers a lot of serious questions about life and stuff. Do some research.
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Oh…you can purchase whatever you like whenever you have proper access to it. Jeez, it’s not like it everything…its mostly a trust thing. Mostly for ‘posers,’ in this age, I think you call them ‘influencers.’
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Sure. Think of limited runs and drops as protected assets. A tier systems helps these protected assets find their way to the proper hands. The proper hands of our dedicated and trusted loyal clients. Not some douche bag in New Jersey.
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No. Unfortunately there was an incident. We have a long standing policy about customers. We only accept clients now. We affirm, it does sound a bit on the elitist side. Doesn’t it? But that’s old news…water under the bridge. Client access is upgraded as certain spend metrics are qualified in our system. Basically, a loyalty program.
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One site sucks at this, another site blows at that. We use each to the best of it capacity to bring to you, our clients, a unique user experience. One site serves as a vault. The other site serves as a factory. All held together mysteriously and hopefully with duct tape and magnets.
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No association what so ever, but I Fux with them. I love their music! I work out to it. As a Type 8 it puts me in my activated state. Music was my only friend for a long while.
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Type 8 is an enneagram profile. Our default emotion is anger. In general, you could say this type, my type, is emotionally challenged. Activated State means somebody dropped a quarter into the ‘asshole machine.’ And not in a good way. We’re not talking ‘butt sex,’ here. We’re talking ‘psycho.’ It used to be a problem, but I accepted the challenge, and I’m doing much better now. Control and restraint is how I built this business. Early in life, I had too much rajas & sattva, not enough tamas.
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That’s Vedanta. Those are called gunas. In that philosophy, the gunas are the irreducible qualities of matter. Allow me to redefine that statement to the uninitiated. I had too much energy (rajas) and was too idealistic (sattva) and I needed more grounding (tamas). Pretty common in young people. You should read more books. You could start with my blog though. Help an old man out.
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I would love to tell you its about arts and crafts…puppies and kittens. It’s not. It is about self discovery and growth. It’s about philosophy, religion and programming. It is an introduction to an alternative view of being. One might be inclined to say.
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So…for the record. We have ZERO TOLERANCE for the type of fraud called ‘FRIENDLY FRAUD.’ Not to be confused with criminal fraud, friendly fraud involves LEGITIMATE ‘CUSTOMERS’ with real addresses, real payment, and an INTENTIONAL purchase. We have an extensive system for dealing with this OFFENSE. Some chargebacks are legitimate, such as a STOLEN CREDIT CARD…were not talking about that either. In this type of fraud a ‘customer’ buys a product from a business with THEIR OWN credit card, and receives the product. Then, they LIE TO THEIR BANK and say they did not receive said product. Most of the time, banks have a vested interest in protecting their client. Well I have a vested interest in protecting my business and the interest of my clients as well. Any person in our system caught committing this so called ‘friendly fraud,’ will be immediately BLACKLISTED BY DEFAULT as soon as a ‘chargeback’ enters our system. A final decision will be made based on EVIDENCE. Once sufficient evidence has been gathered and the act has been determined to be indeed criminal, a POLICE REPORT will be filed in the HOME JURISDICTION, where the THEFT was committed. Served at the ADDRESS PROVIDED. Offenders then should expect to be served at home or office. They will also be reported to ALL credit bureaus. Account and transaction information will be handed over to a collection agency. Because I am thorough, I will also INCLUDE THEIR OWN BANK in that POLICE REPORT as being complicit to the crime. Thus introducing their own bank as third party in a legal dispute. These offenders should take into consideration, that a bank will serve its own interest & not yours in legal dispute. A lie is lie, and fraud is fraud. I make NO DISTINCTION between criminal fraud and friendly fraud except the latter involves a VIOLATION OF TRUST and we do not want OR need your business. Trust me, you do not want ‘that’ smoke. In all relationships, trust is foundational. No trust, no relations. Are you picking up what I’m putting down?
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Indeed. That’s why I give my clients incentives to behave. I want good clean business. Will examples have to be made? Of course! I know the nature of Man. Where I come from ‘weakness’ will only invite attack. When people know you will engage, especially with ferocity, they tend to think twice. This is one of many lessons my life has taught me. But enough of that talk, it bores me. Crushing my opponents invigorates me though. It makes…my dick hard.
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To quote the man himself, ‘Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women.’
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Yes, we know ;)
I hope you have enjoyed this ‘quick feed’ on how we operate. We are generally playful, but serious when necessary. More importantly after reading this bit of satire, you should have a fairly good idea if this ‘anti-brand’ is for you. But perhaps you need a bit more ‘vibage' to know if you truly ‘jive’ with us…fair enough Well then have a listen at good old GUT’R radio, the shit I listen to.
If you somehow came upon this page from outside our blog & you are curious as to what type of personality is capable of presenting such a spectacle to the public? Check out a couple sample blog entries below.
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